Over Easter weekend, my husband & I ventured over to New York (not the City. Syracuse, where he is from, and Buffalo, where I am from. THERE'S A WHOLE STATE THERE, FRIEND!). Anywho, we saw a ton of kids on our journey, and of course the dreaded question was asked: "When are you guys gonna have kids?" My favorite comment was: "You should talk to *insert name of person I've never even met or heard of before this conversation* .... they decided they didn't want to have kids and now they regret it!"
Ok so here's the thing... I love kids. I really do. They're a ton of fun. But I just don't want one in my life 24/7. Harsh? No. Sensible is more like it. I'm telling you right now ... I barely have my life together. And I'm almost 32. Yes, I have an awesome job that I enjoy going to every day. I'm married to a great man who I can be myself around, and he doesn't run away screaming. We live in a beautiful condo that I am mildly obsessed with. Sounds like an adult, right? I don't feel like it most days because I'm too busy running around being a crazy person that almost has it all together. I couldn't imagine throwing a kid into the mix since I barely have time to catch up on my favorite shows most weeks. Kidding ... I always make time for my shows.
Being in this industry .... it's not a 9-5'er. It's an all in'er for me. I have a ton of respect for those who make it ALL work, but I also have a ton of respect for those that know they're just not comfortable "doing it all" or just know they don't want to.
I posted on my Twitter account (shameless plug: Follow? @RadioGal716) asking friends on there why they decided not to have kids.
These were some of their responses:
- "I do have kids, they just have 4 legs. My siblings are excellent pro- creators, so I have plenty of exposure through them. And I get to buy noisy toys.
#Auntiesrule" - "I know I am too selfish to have a child. I am to focused on working on me and making myself happy. Also the current state of our world scares me to bring a child into it. Finally have you seen Children of the Corn? haha"
- "I really want to travel and I enjoy my sleep."
- "Honestly, I’ve never had the desire to procreate. If my feelings ever change, I’d strongly consider fostering/adoption. Big advocate for kids in foster care."
- "I can barely afford to take care of myself and I’m supposed to be able to take care of kids too?"
- "My husband is in the autism spectrum and it would be very difficult for him to live in a house with a small child. Even if it was his own child."
- "The short answer is I just never wanted them, much like I never wanted to be a doctor or a racecar driver."
- "We were traumatised with spoilt brats of our relatives/ friends/ acquaintances/ family. Also, wanted to adopt but it did not materialize."
I want to reiterate that I am NOT anti-kids. I love all of my friends' kids, and our niece & nephew. Spoiling them is a ton of fun, and I love seeing their faces all over social media since we are halfway across the country.
I'm here to tell you a secret .... YOU HAVE A CHOICE! YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE HOWEVER YOU WANT TO! YOU GET TO CHOOSE TO HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT KIDS. IF YOU WANT TO BE A PARENT, BE A PARENT. IF YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE OR IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT HAVE KIDS TOO, THAT'S TOTALLY COOL MAN. IF YOU WANT TO START A BUSINESS AND RAISE A FAMILY AT THE SAME TIME, HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND! IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FUR BABIES FILL YOUR HOUSE, LETS HAVE A PLAY DATE! Just do whatever makes YOU happy.
On a more serious note though, please stop asking people when they are going to have babies, or pressuring them into it when they tell you they don't plan on it. You never know if that couple is having marital problems, or maybe they physically cannot have children, or maybe she/they just went through a miscarriage, or maybe adoption is just not in the cards for them financially. Or, again, crazy I know but... they just don't want to be parents.